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To: The Reformicons

From: A Concerned Observer

Subject: Idea

Just when you thought all your cogitating was going to turn things around for the Republicans, turning a party of NO into the party of IDEAS, along came that nasty Eric Cantor smack-down.

Ouch! What are the reform-minded to do in the face of all your old, angry white folks who want to just say NO, NO NO! True, they’re getting older every day, but can you risk waiting them out?

I say, no (sorry)! Instead, how about running with something that will surely please them while maintaining your ideological purity of government=bad; market=good?

So, here goes: What’s the hot topic of the day? Illegal immigration, right? All these youngsters pouring over the border, overwhelming all levels of government, freaking out your voters, rousing the self-appointed militias to take up arms and adding yet more spending by the feds.

Looks like a real loser. But, maybe not. You guys are big on original intent (as in the Constitution), so how about if we go even further back, to a foundational practice by the British joint-stock companies that engaged in the initial American land grab: indentured servitude!

What have we got now? On the one hand, a huge number of kids from Central America, here without family; on the other hand, a large number of beset upon Americans who have seen their standard of living increasingly eroded by global economic changes, financial chicanery, the increased polarization of wealth, and a paralyzed government (you know, the NO team).

Let’s put these two opposites together! I know that the term indentured servitude might leave some unpatriotic bleeding heart types uneasy, so be creative; since it’s children, call it home care.

 And this scheme can be done in a free market manner. Texas seems like the right place to start, given how its governor, Rick Perry, has publicly toyed with secession. Set up exchanges. Contracts would set the usual terms and conditions. No need for government intervention, since we already know how efficiently and fairly the markets regulate themselves.

All those now screaming over the human inflow would be transformed into lords and ladies of the manor, sort of like Downton Abbey, or Colonial Virginia. This would also take a lot of pressure off the 1% to be better sharers. And think of how it would cut the cost of domestic production: match that, Bangladesh!

Of course, there still is the little problem of what to do with all the new help once their contracts expire. But, there’s time, and I’m sure you bright minds will think of something.